I have recently discovered that my wife is secretly inquiring about divorce with local attorneys (reverse phone search),online research (history on PC)and co-workers (text messaging). I have asked if %26quot;we%26quot; are okay, unhappy and she tells me everything is fine. Her text messages are quite clear that she is waiting for the right time, depending on housing and a possible promotion. I have for so long been driving a lemon, she has a nice truck. I want to refinance my house,cash out 6,000 and use it to pay her credit card debt. I also want to purchase a truck. I want to do these things before she files because once she does, I cannot accrue,sell, transfer, redesign or refinance any new property,insurance or financial accounts until the divorce is finalized. Paying off part of credit card debt would be less debt to take to the courts. Once I refinance too, I would have a months period where I have no mortgage paymt. I plan to use that $ to secure an attorney...retainer fee.
Is this a good divorce (pre-divorce)strategy? Dang, son - that is rough!
OK, refinance the house ONLY if it is in BOTH of your names!!! Take the money and put it in the bank. Immediately buy another (reliable) car or truck. But don%26#039;t pay off her credit cards yet. As soon as you have the truck, take the money you can and get a lawyer.
Do you all have kids? If so, it%26#039;ll be a mess. Lawyer up right away! Let the courts decide who should pay on her credit cards. I%26#039;d hit her with divorce papers before she can get you.
Good luck! :)
Is this a good divorce (pre-divorce)strategy? Sounds like you have it all planned out..
Is this a good divorce (pre-divorce)strategy? Don%26#039;t spend any money at all. You should file for a divorce right now, if you have those on file and saved. Get an attorney and present them in court tell the judge that you were aware of these accusations and you feel like you shouldn%26#039;t hold on to the marriage if she is wanting a divorce. Tell your boss what%26#039;s going on (if you can trust him). Next marriage if there is any doubt in your mind, you should strongly think about a pre-nup.
Is this a good divorce (pre-divorce)strategy? Just because your the husband, doesn%26#039;t mean your going to get stuck with all the bills. Get copies of all the text messages, phone calls, and other proof that this is her plan to divorce you.
Fight for yourself. Don%26#039;t allow her to take it all unless you feel she deserves it.
Is this a good divorce (pre-divorce)strategy? What about trying to do something to make it work. Marriage councleing or romantic dinners. something. dont just give up! she might not have made her mind yet.
Is this a good divorce (pre-divorce)strategy? I can see why she would want to divorce you. It seems you are looking for ways to take instead of ways to give.
Is this a good divorce (pre-divorce)strategy? Might want to get a new truck now so you at lest have reliable transportation, I would get all your legal papers together and file first, otherwise she is going to take you to the cleaners. I would also make sure you print out any of her text messages you find, write down all teh times she has called attorneys and so on that way when she acts surprised ...you can show her why you took action adn secured your finances. Separate your money asap.
Is this a good divorce (pre-divorce)strategy? Hi Bryan,
This is so sad. I am sorry you are having to figure things out this way. I guess you are already resigned to the fact that you are going to get divorced. It sounds like you both already have issues with communication if she can%26#039;t tell you how she is honestly feeling and you are having to snoop through her things. I think you should at least try to seek legal advice before you make any moves and see what they can suggest. Hopefully at some point you can confront her and be honest about what you know - although she will probably be upset that you violated her %26quot;privacy%26quot; and don%26#039;t trust her.
Is this a good divorce (pre-divorce)strategy? LOL file for divorce right away. Do not wait.
A debt load is split between the parties. If her truck is in both your names take the truck and sell it tomorrow Use what%26#039;s left after paying the truck loan to reduce the debt and put the house on the market. You%26#039;ll have to sell it anyway if you live in a community property state. Tell her you know what%26#039;s what and are just getting a head start on what the law will require you to do anyway.
Stop snoopig now. Take action, don%26#039;t delay. She%26#039;s only got her best interst in mind...clearly. It does not cost a fortune to get a divorce research your county%26#039;s divorce proceedure...you can do most of it yourself. Clearly she is not going to contest it you can even get a dissollution which is even cheaper.
Is this a good divorce (pre-divorce)strategy? Seems to me that while she is working on the divorce in secret, you need to do that as well. Stay one step ahead her, but since it seems alot to do to catch up, you better get off the computer and get to work or she%26#039;s gonna have the upper hand take you to the cleaners.
Is this a good divorce (pre-divorce)strategy? Can you add info to your question about whether or not your state is a %26quot;community property%26quot; state? That takes a lot of the decisions on who gets what decided. (if it is %26#039;community prop%26#039;).
I think you ought to take the element of surprise and use it to your advantage. She thinks you are just poking along happy as a clam...spring this on her when she is unguarded, she%26#039;ll say a lot more damaging stuff than if you let her pick the time and place. Don%26#039;t be a victim.
Is this a good divorce (pre-divorce)strategy? You know I think I would confront her about it, let her know that you know, how much worse can it get. Sounds like you both have trust issues, because your both doing things behind each others back. I%26#039;m not sure if you would able to resolve anything by confronting her, but each of you are trying to be the person that comes out ahead in this if it happens. It doesn%26#039;t seem to me like you want to divorce. The way I look at it is that your relationship is at rock bottom, I know everyone is saying go for the divorce, but know that it doesn%26#039;t have to be that way, divorce is very painfull on everyone and it usually doesn%26#039;t end well, I really think you need to fight for what you want, fight for the relationship and if she still leaves you, you won%26#039;t have the guilt in the future that says %26quot; If I would have done this, this wouldn%26#039;t have happened or its my fault, etc.%26quot; and you won%26#039;t carry the guilt into another relationship. Do you know why she wants out? it just sound like you both need to communicate with each other more and let each other know always where you stand, and stop hiding things in your life.
I know the effects of divorce and I would recomend you go through it, in fact I would encourage you to do whatever it takes to not get a divorce, lots of people look at it as %26quot;this is the only way out%26quot; and are unwilling to fight for it, they just want to give up. I bet you didn%26#039;t say on your wedding day %26quot; I want to one day divorce you%26quot;, you married her because you loved her and I%26#039;m just saying you can try to bring all that back before its to late. If she thinks its all fine right now and all this is going on, and you don%26#039;t want to loose her, get a marriage counseler like right now and find the root of your problems. I pray that everything will work out in one way or another.
Is this a good divorce (pre-divorce)strategy? This sounds like the makings of a sad ending. It is time for you to become a real man. Stop snooping around and confront your wife with what you know already. When you communicate with her (listen to this part as this is what I think makes a real man) remember that you loved and probably still love her and talk to her in a manner that is very respectful. She apparently lost her respect for you by opening secret accounts and consulting with friends instead of coming directly to you to resolve your marital issues. This is probably your fault cause you can%26#039;t keep a conversation without letting all your speculation get the best of you. Calm yourself down and write down what you want to say and remember she is still your wife so keep it very respectful. If your past conversations have been out of control, I suggest you write her only and remember this will get used in a court of law just as you can use the statements you found in text message format on her phone. If you can%26#039;t resolve your issues go through mediation as a next step. If she is determined to divorce you make the attempt of being graceful. Don%26#039;t be so caught up with the material things like the truck you want but be more concerned about being able to defend yourself with a attorney if need be (this would be the best strategy for you). Last, if you need to search through your wifes things you are defintely unhappy so don%26#039;t ask her these kinds of questions. To be a real man to me means to keep a cool head. Mediate if you can or get yourself a lawyer not a truck.
