Am I being selfish with my Husband?

My husband and I are going through a financial mess right now. We owe about $5,000.00 in credit card bills. We have monthly expenses of course. We just bought a house and that閳ユ獨 why we are in this financial crisis. Our house is completely empty right now, we only have, a bed to sleep on, a table to eat and a refrigerator. We don閳ユ獩 even have a stove to cook, we cook everyday outside (we make a barbecue). Anyhow, he just went to Mexico for 1 week and he told me he wants to go back in December, because by then we will have all our credit card debts resolved and he閳ユ獨 planning on taking his father and his step mom an electric stove and a water heater for their use. He gets paid weekly and he wants to start taking out about $100 out of each paycheck in order to save and be able to buy those things by December.

Now, I am totally not a selfish person, it just makes me a little irritated that he閳ユ獨 planning on taking his family these things when we are so much in debt right now and we have bills, mortgage and the credit cards to pay. When we don閳ユ獩 even have a stove to cook on. Our house is completely empty. We just purchased our refrigerator about 2 weeks ago and you wouldn閳ユ獩 imagine the fight we had about it. He was so made because we were using the money to buy the frig. instead of giving some money towards our credit debts. But, we were wasting a lot of $$ on buying fast food every day. We couldn閳ユ獩 buy food because it would go bad in 1 day bec. no frig. Now he realizes it was a good investment to buy one.

Am I selfish for getting made at him for thinking of other閳ユ獨 first before us. If we weren閳ユ獩 in this situation I would not get made for him wanting to buy these things for his family. It just makes me made and makes me feel like he cares more about them than about how he has me living.

Am I being selfish with my Husband?

no you are not wrong, your family comes first before his parents.

Am I being selfish with my Husband?

It sounds like he is the selfish one...his family at the expense of yours. My ex wife was like that...

Are you a US Native? I surmise that he is not. Did he marry you to get citizenship? That%26#039;s not love.

He needs some counseling. If he loves Mexico so much, why doesnt he move there permanently?

Am I being selfish with my Husband?

Put your foot down. You are his top priority now. He should not be buying things for his parents until after you two are free of all debts, except the mortgage.

Compromise if he at least waits until you have a cooker, a couple of arm chairs and TV. If he does not, walkout and claim half the property.

Am I being selfish with my Husband?

I%26#039;m not a religious person, BUT:

%26quot;%26#039;FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH%26quot; - Matthew 19:5

This I agree with. His first priority needs to be getting his life with you straighted out.

Am I being selfish with my Husband?

You are right to feel that way. You two really need to have a talk about priorities (I know it may actually turn into a fight rather than talk.) You are his first priority and he made it that way when he decided to marry you. I%26#039;m sorry his parents are in a tight spot, but they can wait.

Do you have a job? If you don%26#039;t, you can consider getting something part time to help ease the financial situation. That will also give you more leverage when discussing where the finances are allotted.

Am I being selfish with my Husband?

I%26#039;m not going to pass judgment on who is being selfish in this situation since I haven%26#039;t heard his side of the story.

I do think $400 per month is a little extreme while your house does not have a stove or microwave. Take the $400 from the first month and purchase yourself a stove. Cheap ones run around $250 and you can get a nice self-cleaning stove for about $450. By doing that and cooking your own food, you will more than make up for the price of stove in money you save from eating at home. This will only help you get out of debt sooner, purchase some home furnishings sooner, and purchase a stove for his parents sooner.

Let me say this though. Once married, a man%26#039;s first responsibility is to his wife (errr, man in some liberal states). He has to provide the basic necessities for his family first and then worry about his extended family later. The extended family should be able to provide for themselves anyway. Call me old fashioned, but that%26#039;s the world through my eyes.

A healthy financial plan includes planning for basic necessities, a written budget, savings, retirement planning, and college planning for kids. If you don%26#039;t have these, you are setting yourself up for financial hardships. With these in place, life becomes much simpler and you will stop having money fights. Wouldn%26#039;t it be nice to be able to say to your husband, %26quot;Only $100 per paycheck? How about we do $200 since it is your family?%26quot; I never though it would be possible for me to say that, but once I got my finances straightened out, it is now possible.

Start with a written budget and follow these steps from http://www.daveramsey.com:

1. $1000 savings for emergencies

2. Pay off all debt except house

3. 3 - 6 months expenses in the bank

4. 15% of your income in retirement

5. College savings (if you have kids)

6. Pay off house

7. Build wealth

Dave Ramsey calls those the 7 baby steps. All of it is up to you. Unless you have a whole lot more debt than the $5000, you could be to step #3 within a year. At that point, I would tell your husband that while saving 3 - 6 months expenses, you could start saving for his parents at that point.

The whole idea is that you have to provide for yourself right now so that you can provide for others later. Imagine how much you could spend on others if your home was paid for and you had no debt! That is the whole idea of building wealth. Not for you to purchase a nice Mercedes or a mansion, but to bless others with your good fortune. If everyone did that and thought of others first, we could change the world.

Am I being selfish with my Husband?

Sincerly i don%26#039;t think you are being selfish when you%26#039;re looking to grow up financially, i think you must talk to him and let him see that now both of you are making a new Family (i don%26#039;t know if you have already kids or not, but i consider you 2 family, because on my opinion that the objetive of marriage or making a partner living)

Now as my husband always says, i can help others when i don%26#039;t have any worry to live, %26quot;how i gonna give you a diamond if even i don%26#039;t have food on my table%26quot;

Now I don%26#039;t Know if the family of your husband live on extremely poorness, cause on that case i think the stove that he%26#039;s thinking to give is the same needfull you have, but if he is thinking give%26#039;em a heater too and they are poor how they gonna pay the hydro?

I think is a good idea give something to our family but not before we have the basics.

Any way i don%26#039;t think you are selfish and i think you must speak.

Am I being selfish with my Husband?

one thing to be soft hearted but another to be soft headed -- he needs a quick lesson in the difference between %26quot;want and need -- or you will be in chapter 13 in a new york second!!!